Safety is the Foundation, Not Self-Love: Childhood Trauma Is a Risk Factor for Developing Poor Body Image
Childhood trauma, such as emotional neglect or physical and sexual abuse, is a known risk factor for developing a negative body image. Eating disorders and PTSD are highly comorbid, with comorbidity up to 62%. Furthermore, 90% to 100% of eating disorder sufferers have reported experiencing at least one traumatic event in their lives. For some, eating disorders can serve as a maladaptive coping skill or even an avoidance tactic to protect our minds from the dark spirals of trauma.
Like many mental health struggles, we often see such a responsibility for healing – both swiftly and up to societal standards – placed on the sufferer’s shoulders. Acknowledging and understanding how childhood trauma can be a precursor to developing mental illness is necessary. It takes time to heal.
LOOKING TO THE RESEARCH
According to a study exploring the association between childhood abuse and body image disturbances in adulthood, clinicians found that “a history of childhood sexual abuse also constitutes a risk factor for the development of body image disturbances…it is plausible that severe violations of body boundaries in a sensitive period for the embodiment of personal identity and integrity like those caused by several subtypes of childhood maltreatment have persisting effects on the perception of the self and the own body.” This research affirms to childhood trauma survivors that it is not a personal fault or lack of mental fortitude that we grow up to struggle with body image; the risk factor of trauma is likely to go on to shape our ability to cope, reason, and recover.
In addition to these findings, “body image disturbances following childhood maltreatment were observed not only in eating disorder patients but in a variety of physical and mental health conditions such as PTSD, borderline personality disorder, [and] major depressive disorder.” We see that childhood trauma can lead to the development of various mental health conditions, so providing adequate help and support to children is imperative early on.
During my final manic episode several years ago, I felt the most unsafe I have ever felt in my body. There was a disconnect between what I was perceiving and what was reality. Being touched by others and even touching myself caused my body to react in extreme panic and distress. My senses were heightened at the time, so understandably, when I was experiencing flashbacks and nightmares, the distress was intensified to the max. Looking back, it was so clearly a trigger of unresolved trauma.
PRIORITIZING SAFETY
So, why do we say things like, “Love yourself” and “Embrace yourself” when it’s often deeper than that and much more complex? The overarching solution is not increased self-love and positive affirmations; we can equip ourselves with these skills, which may help at times, but this is not the only path to healing. In fact, it can feel invalidating to skip feeling safe and go straight to practicing self-love. I believe that prioritizing feeling safe in our bodies must be the precedent. Practicing safe touch with others and ourselves is important. Being respected, as well as maintaining physical boundaries when touch is not wanted is also a necessity.
For those who have experienced sexual abuse, intimacy can feel challenging. It can take time to feel safe, so having others be patient with us, as well as being patient with ourselves, matters. When healing from trauma like sexual abuse, each person’s path is individually their own. There is a notable link between sexual abuse and body image, as a survivor may feel unworthy of their body or as if their body does not belong to themselves. Safe touch, once again, is needed — whether that be a simple hug from a friend or being more intimate with a partner. Pleasure can feel complex to survivors as well. There may be a plethora of confusion, anxiety, or fear accompanying this facet of many people’s lives. Safety must be the foundation — otherwise, we may end up repeating trauma through re-triggering ourselves. Safety is also commonly known as the base foundation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs; we cannot reach the other levels of self-care or body confidence if our bodies are in a constant state of over-arousal and fear.
Trauma triggers can impact our body image and even lead us to develop eating disorders. I felt abhorrent about my body in those states of crisis, and as if it didn’t belong to me when trauma used to take control.
We will still be deeply hurt if we do not address our trauma in connection with self-worth and safety. Many eating disorder sufferers report using their eating disorder as a means of control or even comfort. When life is feeling chaotic around us, perhaps the one thing we can control is what we eat or do not eat. Dieting is also well known to frequently spiral into full-blown eating disorders. When dieting, there may be a thirst for control, and we may feel successful by losing pounds quickly — or experiencing numbness to our emotions. This is dangerous territory as the numbing tends to only last for so long, yielding much more intense emotional reactions that may warrant harm and confusion. Feeling safe in our bodies can open us up to self-love and body liberation; we cannot know these triumphs without first knowing safety.
FEELING VS. BEING SAFE
In addition to feeling safe, I wanted to acknowledge the difference between feeling safe and being safe. Both feeling and being safe are necessities, and yet it can be nearly impossible to heal or grow if we are not physically or emotionally safe in our environments. Some of us experienced violence in the home. It can feel terrifying to ask for help and to remove yourself from a dangerous situation. I’ve found in my life that close friends were willing to help support me, even though I first assumed it would be impossible to escape. It is worth reaching out and fighting to get to safety. Feeling and being safe can go hand in hand. Now that I am safe in my environment today, feeling safe has been the next step I have been working towards therapeutically. I needed the foundation of being safe to start feeling safe.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Now that I’ve explored extensive trauma work in therapy, including EMDR, it has been a couple of years since I’ve experienced the worst of my trauma triggers. Trauma triggers will always come and go for me, but I now know how to properly soothe myself and reach out for support. Reminding myself that I am safe and practicing inner child healing keeps me on my recovered path. Healing from these struggles is possible with patience, proper treatment, and community support. Having a team dedicated to our wellness, as well as friends and mentors who know how to support us, is immensely useful. Project HEAL breaks down these systemic, healthcare, and financial barriers that prevent many from receiving help. Supporting such organizations, and encouraging our loved ones to do the same, promotes community welfare.
The next time someone proclaims that you can love yourself out of poor body image, remind yourself that safety is a valuable foundation and that you deserve to feel safe in your body and mind. This trauma work is some of the most challenging work we can do in therapy and when navigating our everyday lives. Be proud of the hard work you are doing. Trauma does not care if you think you look pretty in that outfit or if you feel beautiful today; your mind and body need the foundation of safety first. Upon finding safety, then we can begin to address self-love. You deserve to be able to breathe and feel safe.
