MYTH: YOU CAN TELL IF SOMEONE HAS AN EATING DISORDER BY THE WAY THEY “LOOK”
Written by Jillian Rigert
Reality: Eating disorders are mental health conditions that have no “look.”
Lack of understanding around eating disorders often leads to false beliefs about how a person with an eating disorder should “look”, leading to many individuals who are struggling with an eating disorder being unseen or even complimented for eating disorder behaviors, which creates obstacles in care. The stereotypes about what eating disorders should look like (including weight biases) contribute to invalidation, shame, delays in diagnosis, obstacles in access to care, and prolonged suffering (to name a few).…
Clearly, the myth that you can tell if someone has an eating disorder by the way that they look is a myth we need to BUST. In order to bust the myth, we need to create a safe space for the many voices of those living with eating disorders to speak up to share their stories. With better understanding, my hope is that we may become more equipped to effectively support those living with an eating disorder. Effective, accessible care remains an unmet need for many seeking care within the United States healthcare system.
Further, diet culture and weight stigma within our society and medical culture contribute to prioritization of weight loss and exercise, often exacerbating eating disorders and creating the exact problems that they claim to help manage. My frustration with diet culture and weight stigma will need articles of their own, but let’s just say—they, too, need massive makeovers.
For now, let’s focus on the fact that eating disorders can impact absolutely anyone, and everyone that feels that they may be experiencing distress around food deserves proper eating disorder informed support.
As a disclaimer: While I am a medical professional, I will be speaking from my perspective as a patient living with anorexia. My hope is that sharing my lived experience may help to close gaps in understanding of eating disorders and provide advocacy for both those who live with an eating disorder and for their support systems.
Back to the myth busting—I’ll focus on anorexia as that is my lived experience though this myth busting is translatable across all eating disorders. For me, I displayed symptoms of anorexia long before my initial diagnosis.
Naturally a person with a body size that falls at the higher end of the “BMI scale” (which has inherent flaws of its own when used for measurement of health), my eating disorder behaviors were complimented as signs of “discipline,” “restraint,” and held on a pedestal as I was achieving the highly coveted outcome of “weight loss” (cue issues with society…not my body).
At this time, my body had been undergoing changes due to puberty, and rather than allow this beautiful process to occur and my body to undergo the natural changes, I became uncomfortable and anxious in my body. In order to control the anxiety and feel in control of my body, I hyper-focused on exercise and food. A simple “diet” turned into a dangerous eating disorder that has threatened my life many times throughout my recovery journey—both from medical complications and the mental toll of living with an eating disorder.
Adding to the mental and medical toll of anorexia, the societal value of discipline and perfectionism often meant that my eating disorder behaviors were seen in high regard until people felt I was taking them “too far.” The mixed messages while struggling with feeling misunderstood and lacking effective care within the medical system contributed to even further suffering.
Given the irrational thoughts that anorexia creates in my brain, I struggled to explain what was happening to people that live without an eating disorder. Ironically, people that live with eating disorders seem to understand me without having to say much at all.
Over time, my healing journey and explaining anorexia to others has best been served by identifying the role of anorexia in my life and what purpose it provides. For me, anorexia appears to serve as a coping response to help manage symptoms of anxiety, depression, and trauma. From my interaction with others living with eating disorders, this appears to be a shared experience. In terms of treatment and recovery, despite access to medical care, awareness, and development of long-term medical complications of anorexia, I have never been able to intellectualize my way out of using eating disorder behaviors. No amount of knowledge on proper food or exercise could cure me.
Rather, the best foundational defense I have developed against using the coping skills offered by anorexia is self-compassion—a key missing trait of all eating disorder patients I have ever met. I feel quite confident in saying that every person experiencing an eating disorder would benefit from increased self-compassion. Yes, that may be a bold statement, and yes…I am here if you would like to prove me wrong.
Additionally, people with eating disorders would benefit from the busting of eating disorder myths. So let’s get this straight: eating disorders are mental health conditions. A person can look like absolutely anything and be suffering with an eating disorder.
It’s worth repeating…. A person can look like absolutely anything and be suffering with an eating disorder.
When we create a stereotype about eating disorders and what they should “look” like, we are creating increased invalidation for those suffering, and missed opportunities for earlier diagnoses and barriers to care for patients that already experience difficulty asking for help in the first place.
Lastly, please refrain from telling an eating disorder sufferer they don’t “look” sick…. The eating disorder mind is not rational, so the interpretation of comments based on “looks” is often quite destructive and the comments are inappropriate given the nature of the illnesses as described. If you encounter a person that is expressing concerns about their relationship with food, exercise, and/or their body, validate their struggle and direct the person to care, preferably from an eating disorder trained team.
Jillian M. Rigert has formal training in dentistry, medicine and oral medicine. She is a mental health and quality of life advocate, Air Force veteran, cancer researcher, leadership coach, therapy dog team member with her pup, Reese, and anorexia nervosa recovery warrior. Jillian seeks to be vulnerable as she fights to push the limits that anorexia imposes in hopes that her stories may provide others with support, healing, and grace to do that same.