“YOU WON’T BECOME FAT”: WHY UNLEARNING FATPHOBIA WAS INTEGRAL TO MY RECOVERY
Written by Sarina Deb
When I was first diagnosed with an eating disorder nearly four years ago, I genuinely believed that I could recover without ever unlearning or addressing the deeply ingrained prejudices I harnessed against individuals in larger bodies.
Four years ago, as a sixteen-year-old, the message I was hearing from society, and even from friends and family, was the assurance that “you won’t get fat” in recovery, or that full recovery was possible without ever having to realize my fear of losing thinness.
Many people who recover from eating disorders — especially those that are non-restrictive — do not need to gain weight during their recovery journey to become medically stable. Most people with eating disorders are not “underweight”, and many are deemed “overweight” based on the deeply flawed BMI model. This is because eating disorders are mental illnesses, not weight disorders, and the weight of an individual is not an indication of the severity of the disorder.
Nevertheless, there are people who do need to gain weight in recovery, fiercely working to combat body dysmorphia and hone new coping skills to replace the eating disorder all while increasing nutrition to get back to what is a healthy weight for their body and mind. Just as in my case, I’ve noticed that our society often tells these individuals that although they will gain weight in recovery, they should not worry because they won’t become “overweight” or fat.
This is true for some people — some people in recovery will fully recover, gain weight, and never be considered “overweight”. Others are at their healthiest at a body-mass index that is considered overweight. Regardless of whether someone falls into either of these categories, I think it’s important that we examine the deep-seated fatphobia that is embedded in the messaging we communicate to individuals in recovery.
Being fat isn’t something to fear or to avoid. It isn’t something that we should always assure people they will never become.
Now, I completely understand why we do this: for many individuals struggling with eating disorders, body dysmorphia and fear of losing control over their body and weight are significant challenges, and we help sufferers overcome these challenges through assuring them that their greatest fear won’t be realized. And in some cases, it won’t be. I know that I personally was motivated in my recovery by social media influencers and friends telling me that I would not become “overweight” by eating enough. This advice was music to my ears, and to be honest, it helped push me through the initial, incredibly difficult stages of recovery. Moreover, for people with the complex psychological disorder of body dysmorphia, reaffirming the notion that sufferers are not seeing themselves accurately is a commonly used clinical and societal tool, and is often very important to recovery.
But this type of reassurance is not always helpful. Sometimes, it is merely a band-aid on a deep societal wound that will only worsen if it is ignored. In my case, for example, I could not fully recover from my eating disorder until I acknowledged and examined my own fatphobia.
Because of internalized fatphobia, I went through recovery with this idea in mind that I could only gain weight up until a certain point. I believed that if I exceeded the weight range that my doctors had set for me, I would be viewed as unattractive and unlovable. While I did not judge others by this standard, I was convinced that I had to judge myself in this way. A different standard applies for me, I told myself.
This reassurance that “you won’t become fat” is problematic in that it stigmatizes individuals in larger bodies and ultimately does a disservice to these individuals and to the sufferers receiving this message.
It is harmful to people who will be considered “overweight “when they are healed and recovered, and it is harmful to individuals who won’t be, but who will grapple with this fear of being “overweight” for years on end. And this reassurance is only one example of fatphobia deeply embedded in eating disorder recovery.
It is important to note that eating disorders are complex neurological disorders. They occur even in societies with entirely different beauty standards and across cultures, socioeconomic strata, races, ethnicities, genders, and religions. This is important because many people who develop eating disorders are not afraid of gaining weight and do not struggle with body image. Even if we lived in a perfect society in which fatphobia was eradicated, eating disorders would still occur.
Nevertheless, fatphobia is a pervasive issue that serves as a major obstacle to recovery for many people.
We carry pieces of fatphobia with us throughout our lives — as we portray fat characters as one-dimensional comic relief, as we assume that fat people are unhealthy and undisciplined, and even as we tell ourselves that our eating disorders make us special and valuable because we are working towards weight loss.
I see a lot of people with eating disorders online justifying their fatphobia with the idea that they have body dysmorphia or simply that they have an eating disorder. I empathize with their struggles, but I believe that unlearning fatphobia is not only morally correct but is also absolutely critical to full recovery for many, if not most, people. Unlearning fatphobia can help us work towards intuitive eating, boost our self esteem, and shape us into more accepting and empathic individuals who do not judge ourselves by different standards than we judge others.
I have been incredibly fortunate to work with providers and mentors who have always reinforced the notion that being in a larger body does not make an individual less valuable, less attractive, or less healthy. They catch me when I find myself saying things like “being skinny was my only asset” by responding with bringing up this statement’s inherent fatphobia, and they hold me accountable for my judgments of myselfs, asking me if I would judge others in the same way. This support has helped me fight the fatphobic societal messages I am bombarded with in mainstream media and society and prompts me to re-examine whether my eating disorder thoughts are in alignment with my true values and beliefs.
Until we can combat the misconception that weight is an indicator of health, and until we can work towards a world in which the fatphobia embedded in our legal and political system and in our society is eradicated, we will still see many people with eating disorders suffering in a state of quasi recovery. Unlearning fatphobia is a vital step in the right direction and can be an integral part of recovery.
Sarina Deb is a junior at Stanford University studying political science, psychology, and human rights. She is the Vice President of Students Against Eating Disorders, an advocacy group and club dedicated to promoting healthy body image and relationships with food on campus. With SAED, Sarina founded peer-led support groups for eating disorders, disordered eating, and body image, and has collaborated with Stanford's health center, dining halls, and resident fellows. Outside of eating disorder advocacy, she is a student journalist, aspiring lawyer and policymaker, and cockapoo dog owner.