EATING DISORDERS DON’T DISCRIMINATE, BUT SOME PHYSICIANS SURE DO
Written by Jordyn Kaprowski
For years I have always remembered looking at my peers around me and feeling like I was the literal definition of “the elephant in the room”. I was always so self-conscious and weighed my value so heavily on the opinions of others that I never gave myself a fair chance to put myself out there and do the things I longed to do. I decided that I wanted to live a healthier life for myself; by being “healthier”, I hoped I would start to feel better about myself, so I started to change my habits.
I went to the gym with my Dad and I started to integrate more variety in my diet, and I felt healthy, but more importantly - I felt happy. I decided at one point, however, that this “wasn’t enough” to be healthy; I needed to “do more”. I began eating less/monitoring what I ate and doing more intense workouts at the gym.
My body started to change, and I got so many compliments from family members, friends, and especially - physicians. They would say, “you look incredible, keep doing what you’re doing!”, never once asking what it was that I was doing to my body to make myself “healthy”. I wasn’t healthy at all. In fact - I was making myself sick.
When I finally opened up to a therapist about it, it was evident she struggled to believe me, but placated me by telling me to write down my intake throughout the week along with exercise. She saw no issues; after all, as she said, “you’re not in a danger zone at the moment”. I knew for certain it was because I was still in a body that did not appear dangerously thin, not a body that “someone struggling” would “actually look like” (physicians are great at repeating this line).
A year later it was my first Spring semester at my University and I had become a shell of myself. Refusing to socialize with friends, cutting contact with my family at home, and hiding this illness that was manifesting from everyone.
However, spring break of 2019 changed that. I went home, and my family saw that I was not Jordyn anymore; this illness had consumed me and I needed help. They took me to RWJUH in Somerville, NJ, and they saved my life. They told me if I had gone on much longer, I would not be here to write this right now. They asked if I ever told anyone I was struggling, and I told them - “yes I had, but you all here were the first ones to actually listen”.
Eating disorders come in all different shapes, sizes, genders, ethnicities, sexualities, etc.; they certainly don’t discriminate. But recovery is possible. I am now in my senior year of college, obtaining a BA in Psychology and a minor in Child Advocacy and Policy and hoping to one day open a practice of my own for children and adolescents.
I tell my story in hopes that if you are struggling like 18 year-old Jordyn was, please know I hear you, I see you, and you deserve help - and to advocate for yourself to get it. Don’t let your struggle be silenced or invalidated.
You are so loved, and deserve a better life for yourself.
Jordyn Kaprowski, 21, She/Her/Hers