The Spot In Life Where I Cut Off My Bracelets

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Meg Burton is the founder of the Southern California chapter of Project HEAL. She is currently in her last year at California State University, Fullerton pursuing a double major in Psychology and Women and Gender Studies along with  a pathway in globalization. Meg started the Southern California chapter to help extend Project HEAL’s mission of making sure everyone gets the treatment that they deserve and to educate others that there is so much life to live outside of an eating disorder. In her free time she enjoys reading, backpacking, hiking, surfing, sitting in coffee shops, and practicing yoga. 

cutting bracelets offThis is the spot in recovery where I am scared during my first week of treatment and a girl ties a bracelet around my wrist. Months later, another girl ties a bracelet onto my ankle. These two things will always be on me to remind me of the love and safety I have found in this place.

This is the spot in recovery when I discharge from treatment and my heart aches to leave one of the few places I have felt safe.

This is spot in recovery where I go back to school and am about to have a discussion in class about how annoying and disruptive one of the students. I’m so used to processing all day long in groups and am still acclimating back to real life.

This is the spot in recovery where I apply and get a job in Switzerland for the summer.

This is the spot in recovery where I begin to do fun things for ME and not just doing them “for recovery.”

This is the spot in recovery where my world gets turned upside down when I realize that the only way I know how to connect in life is through my eating disorder – whether it was by being sick or by being in recovery.

This is the spot in recovery where all my friends go back to treatment and I am bitter because I continue doing it on my own. My heart aches to be held and contained and taken care of again.

This is the spot in recovery where I don’t know if I can do it anymore despite all of the progress I have made.

This is the spot in recovery where I learn how to listen to my heart and not my mind.

This is spot in recovery where I know I need to make a daily minute by minute choice to listen to my heart and to love, over my mind and fear.

And now – this is the spot in my life where I cut off my bracelets. I cut them off leaving behind my attachment to treatment. I carry the goodness I received during those 8 months and know that the love and support is part of me because it is why I am still here.

This is the spot in my life where I cut my bracelets off because I am ready to connect to people without my eating disorder.

This is the spot in my life where I get ready to leave for an amazing experience this summer where I will put new bracelets on

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