By: Alysa Cristadoro
About a month ago, I finished my yoga teacher training. At the end of the month, we were gifted with mala beads: beads that are used for prayer and meditation. We all infused these beads with the mantra “I open myself to you.” This could hold so many different meanings for each individual. For me, I think about how I can open myself to others, how I can open myself to the challenges that life throws my way, and how I can open myself to the higher power I believe in. But I also thought about how much I have opened myself to this journey of recovery.
What do I mean by that?
For so many years I was trapped in my eating disorder because I would never open my heart to the true beauty that recovery is. I was so close minded in my belief that my story was different than others. Unlike the countless individuals that were living a life of food and exercise freedom, I convinced myself that I wasn’t capable of that. My heart was closed to the thought of recovery, my mind was held in the chains of my disordered mind – I did not open myself to anything but my eating disorder.
When people asked how I recovered, I don’t really have a straight forward answer. I strayed off the path several times. I tripped and epically messed up, I felt like I didn’t know what the heck I was doing at times. But the thing that ultimately led me to a life of freedom was opening my heart and mind to this life of recovery. Instead of convincing myself that I was different, that I was incurable; I let go of self-limiting beliefs and dove head first into this crazy messy journey that is eating disorder recovery. I released my mind from the chains of the disorder thoughts that controlled me so long and dug deep into my heart to find strength to change. Open your heart to love – love for yourself and for your journey. When you invite love and openness into your heart, you can truly let go of fear. Opening myself to recovery and letting go of my eating disorder was single-handedly the best thing I have done in my life thus far. See what happens when you actually stop closing yourself off to recovery. I promise you wonderful things will come your way.