A Letter to My Eating Disorder From Someone Ready to Fight Back

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By: Anonymous

To my eating disorder,

You have killed my spirit. You have made me dead inside. I loved you for so long but I need to let go. My OCD has spun out of control and that is because of you. My brain isn’t as sharp as it used to be because you got me addicted to sleeping pills just so I could avoid eating at night. My stomach and intestines has broken due to me overdosing on laxatives and puking until my head hurt. You are trying to make me despise working out – something I once loved because you turned it into punishment. You made me dead inside because you made me fall in love with you. You have distanced me from my friends and my family because I avoid social settings that involve food. You have made me controlling. I suffer at work because you make me weak and constantly depressed. You made me lose complete sight of what I was living for because I fell so in love with you. It’s like without you what do I have? Without you I will have peace. Not only mentally but physically. You made me in constant competition with myself. You told me each weight goal was not enough and that I needed to go further. You gave me actual nightmares of becoming overweight and waking up crying. You made me think every mornings reason for waking up was to weigh myself and if the number didn’t reflect what I wanted then there was very little reason to go on with the day. I never felt this anger towards you before like I do now. You made me paranoid and hate myself. But no matter how depressed I may be I don’t deserve this constant misery you have put me through. I hate you, I don’t love you. You can talk to me everyday if you want to but please note I will try my hardest to ignore you. I will not binge because you push me to. I will not starve when you tell me I’m just being weak. I am not living for you anymore.

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