Sometimes Recovery Is Taking a Leap of Faith

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By: Kaity J

The night sky was full of stars, but no moon. Oh how I missed the moonlight as it shone through my window and cradled me in its light. Looking up at the star I wonder who else is seeing the same thing. My dad always said whenever we were apart; to remember we look at the same stars. He said that he thought of me whenever he looked into the sky. I did too. In science class, I learned that we are made of stars, which I can understand because the God that placed the stars in the sky also made us. I’ve been gone a lot, jumping from place to place, never really staying, and never settling. Sometimes I like it, I’m like a shooting star, you see me for a glimpse and then I’m gone. Sometimes I compare that with being my true self. I’m so obsessed with other people liking me, you cant see the real Kaity, but then, maybe like a star or maybe like a moon, I appear, sometimes as fast as lighting and sometimes as slowly as a waxing moon. Like peeling off wet clothes, one by one, the layers fall. I am scared to be a moon. It’s so much easier to just be a star, almost invisible at times, shining light from years ago.

A moon is visible and its light is present, from within. What if I don’t have enough light? What if I’m as dark as a moonless night? My family told me that they would hold onto my hope when I had none, is hope light? My hop is waning, flickering, almost out. I’m tired of being a star, yet I’m too afraid to become a moon. Because once I fully become a moon, I will never go back to being a star. While pondering all of this, a tear slips down my cheek. Running from my real self is exhausting. Looking up at the starts I start to see a moon creep over the horizon. Here is my chance and in that moment, I decide to leap in and take it.


About the Author: In recovery, figure skater, lover of animals and movie watcher!

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