When You Go From ‘Underweight’ to ‘Overweight’ While in Treatment for Anorexia

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By: Lizzie Janniello

This is a topic that I don’t think is discussed as much as it should be. I also know that this is a very touchy topic. I will tread lightly and only explain things from my perspective and my personal journal towards recovery.

When I started treatment for anorexia 17 months ago, I was in a really bad place. I was depressed, suicidal, and very underweight. My eating disorder had a full grasp on my otherwise happy and successful life. But it tormented me and convinced me that I needed to lose weight in order to be happy, successful, and pretty. And I listened to it. With the weight loss that I so desired, I lost everything that was important to me. My relationships were strained, I couldn’t succeed at my job, and I fell into a deep depression.

Fast forward 17 months, to today. I am still in treatment. But only this time, according to my BMI, I am considered overweight. I don’t feel like myself and I’m embarrassed. All I want to do is hide. I am embarrassed and sad. So I texted a two close friends and my therapist for some support, and they gave me a few interesting things to think about.

My therapist said that the BMI doesn’t actually measure anything important.

So true. But oh, so hard to believe. How am I supposed to be confident in my recovery when I look like this? When I am, literally, overweight. I’ve struggled my whole life, always being underweight yet feeling obese and fat. But now the problem is that I actually am overweight. I’m sure some of you can understand what that feels like. I feel like a balloon, like all my clothes are busting at the seems. My friend described it as feeling like a Telly tubbie. It’s so true. I feel disproportionate, pudgey, and whalelike. This is not me. I entered treatment to help me with body image, but how is this helping me? How is taking me from one extreme to another going to help?! I simply did not understand.

My therapist said I needed to work on “radical acceptance”. I know, I know, DBT is the key. But it’s so hard. I so desperately want to look like all those models in magazines- my friend describes them as “clothes hangers” because of their lack of curves and skeletal structure. I don’t know who’s to blame, maybe it’s the media, maybe it’s how I was raised. But no matter the reason, that’s what I want to look like. And so I took my body through the extremes of restricting, and managed to change the way I looked, so that I would resemble the ideal image I had in my head. But yet my body image still told me I was fat and overweight and that I should just keep losing a little more. Even when extremely underweight, I would body check and grab and pinch all the areas where I thought I was “too fat.” I was very sick.

Well I tried to do the right thing- three times in the past year and a half, I have entered treatment. And now, I am overweight because of it. It makes me wonder what I’ve gained, besides weight. Did I make the right decision, entering treatment? According to my values, yes. According to my eating disorder, no. Is this all my eating disorder getting louder and louder? Telling me I need to lose weight? Or is that the normal voice of a girl, any girl, just striving to feel confident in her own skin?

What I’ve learned, is that no matter what size I’ve been, I’ve yet to be confident. So what does that mean? I think that means that confidence has nothing to do with our appearance. I think it’s all about the way we perceive ourself. Our smiles. Our laugh. I want to feel confident. But I know that weight loss isn’t the answer anymore (even though that means I have to fight every urge, everyday, not to lose weight). It’s about learning to love yourself and truly embracing health at every size. I know that my body needs time to heal… lots and lots of time. I’ve put it through a lot, and overshooting is just it’s way of healing. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. It’s hard, especially during summer. If you are in this situation, or can relate to anything I’m going through, go follow some body positive models on Facebook and instagram. Find people who are confident in themselves and try to emulate that in yourself. Embrace your curves! Love your body! Treat it with kindness and respect- after all, we will only ever have one body. But I can tell you one thing that I’ve learned- our appearance is the least interesting thing about us. This quote always sticks with me:

“We get so worried about being pretty. Let’s be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong.”

Go on that date, take the adventure, live life. And stop apologizing for taking up space. Stop hiding because you are embarrassed of your appearance. I can guarantee that you are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy of happiness, confidence (no matter what your size), and joy. Don’t miss out on life because you’re too worried about what others think about you. Love yourself and that will draw people to you! I know you can do this. I’m trying my best, and I hope that you are too.


About the Author: Lizzie studied psychology at Hillsdale College, a small liberal arts school in Michigan. She currently works as a research assistant in Washington, D.C. She is in recovery and hopes to one day use her experiences to help others struggling with eating disorders. Lots of love and please stay strong! You’ve got this.

Sometimes Recovery Is Taking a Leap of Faith

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By: Kaity J

The night sky was full of stars, but no moon. Oh how I missed the moonlight as it shone through my window and cradled me in its light. Looking up at the star I wonder who else is seeing the same thing. My dad always said whenever we were apart; to remember we look at the same stars. He said that he thought of me whenever he looked into the sky. I did too. In science class, I learned that we are made of stars, which I can understand because the God that placed the stars in the sky also made us. I’ve been gone a lot, jumping from place to place, never really staying, and never settling. Sometimes I like it, I’m like a shooting star, you see me for a glimpse and then I’m gone. Sometimes I compare that with being my true self. I’m so obsessed with other people liking me, you cant see the real Kaity, but then, maybe like a star or maybe like a moon, I appear, sometimes as fast as lighting and sometimes as slowly as a waxing moon. Like peeling off wet clothes, one by one, the layers fall. I am scared to be a moon. It’s so much easier to just be a star, almost invisible at times, shining light from years ago.

A moon is visible and its light is present, from within. What if I don’t have enough light? What if I’m as dark as a moonless night? My family told me that they would hold onto my hope when I had none, is hope light? My hop is waning, flickering, almost out. I’m tired of being a star, yet I’m too afraid to become a moon. Because once I fully become a moon, I will never go back to being a star. While pondering all of this, a tear slips down my cheek. Running from my real self is exhausting. Looking up at the starts I start to see a moon creep over the horizon. Here is my chance and in that moment, I decide to leap in and take it.


About the Author: In recovery, figure skater, lover of animals and movie watcher!

Closet Cleanse

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By: Marlee

I purged my wardrobe. Literally, I had clothes scattered across my bed and floor. Why you may ask? Well I was running sprints one morning, and I noticed how my shorts were bunching up on my thighs. I had been noticing it a lot lately and I was kinda beating myself up about it. Why? Because my shorts fit just fine in the summer. All my shorts fit. I knew that I had gained weight but the fact that stuff that was fitting over the summer wasn’t fitting now was making me self conscious.

But before that self discriminating voice got louder I thought “Why am I trying to wear clothes that don’t make me feel comfortable and confident?”

Some of my clothes were ones that I got back in high school or during my first two years of college. As I thought about it more, I wondered if I was trying to hold on to some old part of me. Why was I trying to hold on to a person that I no longer am?

As soon as I got back to my apartment, I started tearing my closet and dresser apart. I created two piles of clothes: one for clothes to sell and one for clothes to donate. I didn’t hold back. I didn’t think twice about getting rid of something that was cute but no longer fits me.

Its still a hard concept for me to wrap my head around. Most people don’t realize, that ED survivors may recover, but we still deal with the side effects on a daily basis. Becoming comfortable with yourself is a process and a struggle. I felt like these clothes were holding me back from embracing my body even more than I already have. We should wear clothes that make us feel comfortable and confident. We shouldn’t be wearing clothes that make us feel insecure or uncomfortable.

I don’t want to wear shorts that bunch up on my thighs. I want shorts that hug my thighs and show off their strength. I don’t want shirts that make me feel self conscious about my ab-less belly. I want shirts that flaunt my curves and make me feel confident. I want dresses that make me want to twirl (an indication that I like something btw) and a swim suit that makes me want to do a cannon ball into a pool (I promise I’m 21 years old).

I’m not the size I was during my ED. I’ve gained weight since last year. I realized though that a number is so meaningless in defining my self worth. Some stores I wear one certain size in jeans, and in others I wear a different one. But you know what? WHO GIVES A DAMN?! It’s a stupid number and sizing in the clothing industry is SO screwed up. I’m gonna pick clothes that fit me and make me feel confident. And I’m sure as hell not gonna stress over the size, because really what does a number or letter mean? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Purging my closet and dresser was refreshing and invigorating. You should have seen me. It was like something out of a movie. I had music blasting in my room, throwing clothes out on the floor, singing and dancing the whole time. Doing that instantly made my day SO much better.

So the moral of this whole story: meaningless material objects should not define you. If something makes you feel uncomfortable or self-conscious, DON’T WEAR IT. Hell, GET RID OF IT. It’s not worth it to keep wearing something that makes you feel horrible about yourself. You deserve to feel confident, strong, and beautiful in whatever you’re wearing. And when you feel good about yourself, that confidence radiates around you. And that is the most important thing you can wear.

This post originally appeared on lifteatlife.wordpress.com


About the Author: 21, going on 22-year-old recent college graduate. Loves lifting heavy weights, blogging, french bulldogs, dancing, singing, and peanut butter. Aspires to help people find their inner fighter and embrace every part of themselves.

#WEWANTTOKNOWWEDNESDAY with Project HEAL

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Project HEAL has been asking a weekly question related to eating disorder recovery. For this week’s #WEWANTTOKNOWWEDNESDAY, we asked you:

What’s one thing you wish people would stop saying to you?

Here’s what you shared:

1. “I wish I had your problem, then I could lose weight” – Leslie M

2. “You look so much better now” – Jessica S

3. “If you just eat healthy and exercise, you can stay skinny” – Callie A

4. “I wish I had your ‘willpower’” – Presley G

5. “You don’t look like you have an eating disorder” – Danielle M

6. “Think of all the victims of the hurricanes/floods/earthquakes out there. They’d give anything to have one bite of the food you have and here you are starving yourself” – Kristi S

7. “But you’re better now though right?” – Katy S

8. “Are you sure you want to eat that much?” – Katie G

9. “Just eat” – Alisse B

1o. “You look like you’ve lost weight” – Kelly S

11. “I wish I had your problem” – Ailene M

A Letter to my Scale

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By: Kayla Hopper

Dear Scale,

You have ruined my life. I have given you power to control every aspect of my day. You tell me when to wake up, what to wear, what to eat, and when to drink. You tell me where I can go, who I can go with, and always make sure I feel worse about myself; so that I can strive to make you happier. You make me believe that the lower your number; the higher my worth is, and the safer I am. You tell me a set point and promise that you won’t demand more; until it’s not enough, I can always be better. Each day I run to you, sometimes multiple times a day, just to get your approval. To see if I am living up to the standards I allowed you to set.

But there is one thing I have now realized, I handed you the power, and I can take it back. That number doesn’t tell me my worth; I am made in the image of God, created with the utmost love and respect. I am worthy of love and compassion that you are unable to give. The number doesn’t reflect my accomplishments. I am a proud mother of four children and a wonderful wife and friend. I have allowed my body to go through tremendous pain and change just in the power of love. I am not an object, I live and breathe. I deserve to have grace on my hard days, and celebrate my victories.

I am a woman, I am valued, I am needed, I am wanted, and I am deserving. I am everything you tell me I’m not. I don’t have to be a certain size to be accepted. I don’t have to be a certain number to love myself. Loving myself is not conditional, and it is not a weakness. I have allowed you to have control for too long. I have let you wreck my body, my self-esteem, my family, and my relationships. You have caused more pain than I can fathom, all in the quest for an unfulfilling happiness. You have nothing to offer me but lies and pain.

Without you I can soar. I can be who I am created to be. Without your demands… I am free.


About the Author: I am a 30-year-old wife and mother of four. A survivor of anorexia, ptsd, and bipolar disorder.

Why I Share My Story

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By: Mirjana Villeneuve

One year ago this summer I opened up publicly about my struggle and recovery from anorexia. As soon as I published that blog post I had to close my laptop and step away in order not to delete my whole blog and every form of social media I owned. It was scary, and as I started receiving comments on it, I didn’t know what to do. People now knew my secret… what crazy internal demon possessed me to do that?! But it was one of the best decisions of my life. 

When I first entered recovery I was told that we are only as sick as our secrets. I started giving away my secret when I first told my family and closest friends about what was going on, and that helped a lot. It gave me a safe place to go when sticking to recovery was too hard on my own. I had someone holding me accountable for meals, and encouraging me to stick to therapy. As I became more comfortable with sharing about my eating disorder I met other people who were going through or who had gone through the same things. The connections I’ve formed with these people are invaluable to my recovery. To be able to emergency-text or call someone who just gets it is one of the most powerful weapons I have in my recovery arsenal. When I get together with someone else who is serious about recovery, my eating disorder all but throws up its hands and hits the road. Helping them helps me, and vice versa. It’s incredible. But going public about my eating disorder on the internet? That’s a different story. And when I finally did share about it, I had no idea how much it would actually help me. Shame grows exponentially when we lock our secrets away and hold them close to us.

 By opening up I was able to challenge the shame that came from this diagnosis, and have since realized that it is an illness- something out of my control, something I did not choose but that I can work to recover from. And by opening up I found myself looking at a platform on which I could share my fight and victories with other people who could understand and who were fighting their own battles, no matter what that might look like (shout out to all of you!). One of the most healing things I’ve ever heard is, “Reading what you write has helped me.” If my struggle can help someone else, if it can encourage even one person to continue fighting any battle they’re faced with, then that makes all of this worth it. I am open about my eating disorder because I want others (and myself!) to believe wholeheartedly that there is no shame in mental illness, and to break down the stigma surrounding it. I am open about my eating disorder because when I read others’ stories, it brings me hope, and I want to be able to bring hope too. But even more than any response I’ve received to this blog, writing about my experience has helped me grow. I am open about my eating disorder because it keeps me accountable, and when I struggle it gives me another reason to fight. Recovery is extremely hard, but for some reason this blog has made it a little bit easier.

Maybe it’s the connection with others, the practice of putting my thoughts into words, the choice to be vulnerable. Maybe it’s that when I was sick I desperately wanted to be invisible, and this blog has directly challenged my fear of being seen. It’s a whole load of things that have made sharing my story worthwhile. Thank you for being here for it. If you are thinking about opening up about your own story, do not be afraid! Follow your instincts and be true to yourself. Your story is yours. You have the right to own it however you want to. “Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” -Brené Brown

This post was published originally here

How I Observe Yom Kippur in Recovery

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By: Florence Taglight

If you wouldn’t tell someone in recovery from alcoholism to ‘just have one glass’ don’t tell me to ‘’just fast for one day’’ 

Festivities, holidays and celebrations can be extremely hard for those in recovery from an Eating Disorder. Think about it – most festivities revolve around food, whether it is Christmas, Thanksgiving, Passover, Ramadan or Halloween. Alike how Eating Disorders are NOT simply about the food; it is not the only obstacle during holidays, large dinners, parties, anxiety provoking situations with friends and family who may not always understand your struggles can cause internal chaos and pain.

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year and falls on the 1st day of the Jewish calendar month Tishrei. It marks the beginning of Teshuvah – a 10-day period of repentance where we ask for forgiveness for wrongs done in the year past and attempt to amend our behaviour. On the tenth day we are ‘’to afflict our souls’’ and fast for almost 26 hours.

I have not taken part in the ‘fasting’ for three years, and I will not be participating this year or the next. This can cause controversy and agravate many, but nonetheless I choose to respect my decision, my health and my body without needing to provide reason to any remark.

When I was in treatment for Anorexia, I met a 40 year old women who was also recovering from Alcoholism, she told a story on how someone once told her to ‘’just have one drink’’ at her sisters wedding to join in the festivities. For those of you recovering or who know someone in recovery from Alcoholism you know that ‘just one drink’ is not possible; for someone who has been substance free for 1, 10 or even 20 years, you would not suggest ‘’just one pill to calm down’’. In this same one please do not suggest I fast ‘’just for one day’’ or even ‘’one meal’’.

My friend told me that at her sisters wedding she was expected to have a drink to join in the festivities, implying that by not having a glass of champagne she was not celebrating. Ridiculous right? But for those unsupported, or alike her new to sobriety this can be enough to alert the voices in our minds that we have practiced ignoring, cause them to flare up like an infection and in turn cause ‘us’ to give in to our deadly disorders.

I refuse to take in others who believe I am not ‘’joining’’ in on Yom Kippur, the celebration of my religious new year. Over the past ten days I have thought about my year, my wrongdoings and asked for forgiveness. But I am not concluding it with a day of atonement, Does this mean I am lesser off than those who do? Am I LESS forgiven, or LESS free of my sins? NO.

The truth is for me, by not fasting, I am more forgiven, and more free of my sins.

For me by not fasting, I am courageous, daring and brave.

By respecting and then discounting the people who judge me for feeding my body, soul and mind I am once again honouring myself and beginning my New Year how I will try to embrace the whole year, by loving myself and waking up every day to courageously battle my own internal fight.

Even though I am Jewish and this is particularly about Yom Kippur.  I still join in the celebration over Christmas and on other holidays too. I still struggle with the large groups of people, the buffets (a scary place for many new to recovery –a deadly tarantula to arachnophobes) and the socialising. However with time, practice and a supportive family I have managed to overcome these situations and my anxiety lessens year on year. But some are not so fortunate to have these people around them. Much like an eating disorder or addiction, they suffer in silence. So if you know a friend or family member has struggled in past offer support, offer guidance, and offer non-judgmental compassion.

Physical, Biological and Psychological Effects of Food Restriction and Chronic Dieting

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By: Megan J. Driscoll LPC, RD, CD

We all can agree that the dieting industry in the United States is a forever booming and profitable industry (to be exact, an alarming 60 billion dollars annually according to Washington Monthly) however we also know that dieting does not produce long term results and is also a significant risk factor in the development of an eating disorder. “Getting healthier and losing some weight” are often a main reason for going on a diet. However, what is often less talked about and even ignored are the harmful physical, biological and psychological effects of dieting or food restriction.

 

Physical (to name a few) –

  • Use of muscle tissue for energy (why would we want to decrease our muscle if we are dieting to be “healthier?”)
  • Reduced metabolic rate
  • Cold intolerance (I am from Wisconsin, why would anyone want to have this?)
  • Constipation and delayed gastric emptying (meaning food stays in your GI system longer, resulting in discomfort and bloating – constipation is literally the worst, we all know it.)
  • Cardiac arrhythmias
  • Edema & other skin changes – these changes may actually influence our negative body image even more
  • Osteoporosis

 

Biological –

  • Increases your appetite by reducing the amount of leptin you produce (leptin is our fullness or “satiety” hormone and is released to tell you to stop eating and increase your metabolic rate to start burning the calories you just ate – why would we want to mess with this?)
  • Lowers your core body temperature
  • Reduces your effectiveness at recognizing hunger and fullness cues

 

Psychological –

  • Induces powerful urges to binge on food (think about survival)
  • More specifically, powerful cravings for energy dense foods such as ice cream, chips, chocolate (sugar is the quickest way for our body to get energy in a deprived state). Remember the brain does not function without carbohydrates
  • Food obsession and preoccupation – why would we want to spend our lives only thinking about food when there are so many more important things to think about, like our goals, dreams and vacations we want to go on?
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Social isolation
  • Apathy
  • Fatigue
  • Irritability
  • Poor concentration (our brain’s neurotransmitter’s rely on fat to make the myelin sheath which essentially helps them talk to one another and perform)
  • Mood swings
  • Drop in levels of serotonin
  • Binging causes the release of “feel good” chemicals like serotonin and endorphins so it begins to act like a self-soothing/stress relief mechanism to cope with the stress of dieting. Therefore, the body begins to crave the binge behavior to simply feel better.
  • Last but NOT LEAST, when we “fail” at our diet because our body is trying to save us, it induces feelings of shame, guilt, failure and that we did something “wrong”

 

Overall, “getting healthier and losing some weight” is not as simple as “eat less calories” and see the number on the scale go down. We know many factors influence our health and weight such as our age, genetics, medical and other underlying conditions, and dieting/weight history. What if instead of promoting dieting and scale-dependent self-esteem, what if we begin practicing body acceptance and intuitive eating? Life is too short to only order salads.

 

Source: Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon & Keyes Starvation Study


About the Author: Megan J. Driscoll LPC, RD, CD is a registered dietitian and psychotherapist. Megan Driscoll specializes in research based weight management, chronic disease prevention and health promotion using a health at every size and non-diet approach. Megan Driscoll graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 2008 with undergraduate degrees in Dietetics and Psychology. Megan completed her Dietetic Internship at Mount Mary College in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. Megan then went on to complete her Master’s degree in Educational Psychology, with an emphasis on community counseling, at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee in 2011. She currently works as a registered dietitian and program psychotherapist at Aurora Psychiatric Hospital on the inpatient and partial hospital eating disorder unit. She is also the primary dietitian for their Eating Disorder Lorton Outpatient Clinic and provides outpatient nutrition counseling through Affiliated Wellness Group in Glendale and Delafield, WI. She lives with her husband, their 3-year-old son, Henry and their big dog, Riley. She enjoys shopping, reading and being outside in her free time!

#WEWANTTOKNOWWEDNESDAY with Project HEAL

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Connecting with others can help recovery feel more hopeful and even inspiring. Whether it is accomplished through face-to-face contact or through reading things like poetry, other kinds of writing, watching speeches, etc., having someone else who’s going through something similar can really help us to not feel alone. Project HEAL has been asking a weekly question related to eating disorder recovery. For this week’s #WEWANTTOKNOWWEDNESDAY we asked you:

What’s one quote that helps get you through a tough time?

 

Here are the quotes you shared with us:

1. “The key to not buckling is to not be defined by the situation.” – Condoleezza Rice, submitted by Jennifer D.

2. “Healthy doesn’t mean a salad. Healthy is not a measure of weight. Being healthy involves your mind, spirit and heart just as much as it involves your body. Each person’s version of healthy is different. Sweets don’t make you unhealthy but sadness will.” – Lauren M.

3. “Be willing to believe that something else is possible.” – Jen M.

4. “Leap, and grow your wings on the way down.” – Les Brown, submitted by Heidi L.

5. “Just keep swimming.” – Dory from “Finding Nemo,” submitted by Anna D.

6. “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” – Julia S.

7. “In the midst of winter I found within me an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus, submitted by Raemia D.

8. “The best view comes after the hardest climb.” – Charlotte S.

9. “You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired from the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.” – Adrianna R.

10. “Feel the fear. Do it anyway.” – Diana B.

But Darling Please – A Poem

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By: Izii Jane Taylor

Oh beautiful girl

The devil in your mind

Has taken you away

Reminding you of each bite, you didn’t eat yesterday

 

The days have become meaningless

One tiresome, ongoing, groundhog day.

That may be their rock bottom, but darling..

Yours may not look the same

The external may be different to the one beside you

…But inside, the feelings and thoughts are all one game

 

Oh beautiful girl

The damage this disease brings

It’s not your fault my darling

I don’t blame you that you don’t see

Because when you are in it

It’s all consuming,

Everyone else is lying

Except that screaming voice inside your head

Telling you would be better off dead.

 

But the thing is..

….You have dissappeared

Your mind is not present

..And your body is fading..

But darling the thing is…

….This may go on for months or even years.

 

The sad part is

Some won’t take you seriously

They fail to see

Its not just the body, the weight, the numbers

Its the mind, the behaviors, the thoughts..that not everybody see’s

But darling, please. Not everyone will understand, and nor do they have to.

 

And this crossroad remains

With only two directions

Death

or

Life

 

Some don’t make it

Some survive

Others are unaware

Others don’t care

…But many do thrive, when they are given a hand to hold, a footprint to follow and a step to take towards life.

 

Recovery, what the hell was that

wasn’t something I wanted..

…deserved.

…I wasn’t thin enough

…I wasn’t ill enough

My life, my company. Together all the time, stood there right beside, destroying my mind. It was the abuser that I could not leave. But ‘I’m Fine’.

 

But I failed to see, the hurt the pain, the fear….and utter helplessness of my family around me.

..they had to watch their own creation, fall apart.

Stealing tiny pieces of their heart

I didn’t understand, I pushed them away,

My games couldn’t be saved for another day

 

That was the moment of feeling complete helplessness. As you faded..

The life sucked right out of you

…another grueling night

 

But darling, I won’t wish that you sleep tight

Because you have the power, in every hour

To fight

And darling you have so much potential

Please don’t leave it to late

 

One day, I hope you will find

The danger of staying tightly closed

Is more painful, more scary

Than the danger it may take to bloom.

 

I know you won’t believe me when I say

The world would be worse off, without you there each day.

It’s hard to hear anything beyond that mind but..

….Tell the little child inside

She’s not alone, she doesn’t have to hide.

 

There is no guarantee that this will ever be easy

It’s a process, a journey

 

If not now for you, then try for me, for him, for her..

…There may be bad days…

But before it was months or years.

 

And for those who believe there is no-one who cares..

..or there is no point..

it’s hard to find the words

Many of us know those intense, crippling feelings, that always seem to be there.

But I promise, I will always care

 

…Please, I pray, give yourself a chance. I’ll be here, that part of life is better to leave behind

There are so many ways that you can shine

 

And try to be a little less harsh to yourself my darling, for we are all imperfect.

In this whirlwind of beautiful pain.

 

Scatter your blossom

Let your heart run free

 

..And sprinkle the air with the uniqueness of you


About the Author: I’m Izii Jane Taylor. I first came into recovery from anorexia when i was 17. I went through three rehabilitations and they helped saved my life. I am studying addiction psychology at university and I really hope to help those struggling with addiction of any kind to find their voice to fight. I hope to give back the help I have received. Everyone with mental health struggles have beautiful souls. Sometimes we all just need a little help to see a glimmer of light, and a splash of hope and love. For someone to say I understand, you are not alone, you matter. For someone to love you until you can love yourself (and of course after that too!) Looking back my greatest achievement is continuing to live when I wanted to die. I think this is everyone’s greatest achievement. Just facing one more day. One more moment Putting one foot infront of the other and deciding for that second to stay.

This post originally appeared on rainbowedsoul.blogspot.co.uk